Whatever the US election outcome, we need more active listening

Photo by Henry & Co. from Pexels

After my last post, I thought I was on a roll -- ready to write posts on a near daily basis. That was Sunday. Today is Thursday.

It doesn't take much introspection to see that what's happened in the interim is the US presidential election.

The fact that we still do not know who has won is anxiety-inducing to say the least. Like the person in the (amazing) photo above, I feel as if our entire country is suspended between two worlds. We don't yet know what our reality is going to look like moving forward.

But whatever the outcome, one thing is very clear: the US is divided.

One starting place to begin to heal this division is to recognize that even if reality is socially constructed, it feels very "real" to each of us. We all have our lived experiences that shape how we interpret the world.

With that said, I do believe there is some "objective reality" out there, although our tools may be imperfect at measuring and describing it (especially when it comes to subjective matters, like cultural identity and meaning).

It can be challenging to build bridges across different people, communities, and political parties, but I think by genuinely listening to each other we can begin to build them. This is something each of us can do in our interpersonal relationships specifically -- and in our communities more broadly. In fact, the more conflict there is in a community, the more important listening becomes.

And by "listening" I do not mean simply being quiet while someone else is speaking. I mean active listening in which you as the listener paraphrase what the other person just said. In order to paraphrase well, you have to really comprehend what someone else said. It's not enough to repeat it verbatim: comprehension means you can use different words to convey the same message. If the other person thinks your paraphrase is on point, then you've succeeded in really hearing them.

Reframing is probably even more useful than paraphrasing for building political bridges. To reframe, one must "read between the lines" in a way that accurately reflects the speaker's thoughts, feelings, and concerns:

"Reframe: A KEY opportunity to describe what you believe the other person really wants, which can lead to thinking about constructive solutions to problems. Use neutral language, or err on the side of more positive statements."  -- Ann Chastain, MSU Extension (2013)

I think this concept is super helpful. In the age of social media, it's very tempting to "spin" what someone else has said to fit our own political agendas. This is not helpful for building bridges.

Active listening on the other hand is a bridge-builder's tool. Reframing in particular helps show people that you understand their pain point -- perhaps even when they themselves are struggling to express it effectively. I think reframing is a way to give people the benefit of the doubt rather than assume they have the worst of intentions. This seems like a healthy and inclusive way to live in a diverse world. Plus, research shows that giving people the benefit of the doubt might even make us happier.

So, I'm committing to being a better active listener -- regardless of the outcome of the election.