Essence precedes action, or vice versa?

Photo by Mark Neal from Pexels

In my last post, I mused about intentional self-construction: identifying those aspects of oneself that are especially salient -- that represent who one wants to be on a regular basis. To acknowledge the complexity and inconsistencies of self, but also to come to terms with the reality that being so inconsistent is a very immature way of being in the world (as if I am still just experimenting in a trial-and-error sort of way, never quite knowing myself still after all these years).

So I wanted to grow-up and accept the identities that I return to over and over again -- and maybe set aside some of the other ones that I used to play and experiment with. I thought why not intentionally design my self?

Then the next day I read an article by Jordan Harbinger about struggling to find your purpose. He actually says,

"That’s the mistake I made when I was trying to figure out my purpose early on. I looked at all the varied topics I was interested in, articulated a purpose that tied them together in an elegant way, then reverse-engineered an identity that satisfied that purpose."

He goes on to say that this is a recipe for feeling like an imposter because we are trying to make ourselves somebody we are not yet. We end up trying "to become an idea of ourselves."

This really gave me pause considering what I had been busy doing the day before. Then I remembered what I had written on this very blog's "About" page:

"To make meaning we must often make decisions. As we construct a sense of agency we come closer to feeling free, even amid the many constraints that life imposes. This blog explores those feelings, decisions, and actions that come to characterize who we are, even if who we are is a dynamic construction process."

The point is that action is key. What we do is who we are -- at least as much and if not more than what we think. So, sure I can select from among my different identities and imagine who I am as a coherent whole. But I must also take care to select from existing identities and not only from my imagined and idealized self.

With that said, I do believe that becoming who we are is not an out-of-body / out-of-mind experience. It's not just that we act, and then look back and say, 'Gee, I guess I enjoy doing that.' We also can say 'here is a goal that I want to accomplish -- and these are the actions I need to do that.' Then we take those actions, and in so doing we may end up changing ourselves.

It is this process of reflection, intention, action, and reflection that is behind an awakening of self and purpose.